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  JANE MALONE

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Little Ditty 'Bout Jack & Dylan

2/12/2020

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IF MEN GOT PERIOD​S
INT: MEN’S BATHROOM STALLS, ONE MAN IS ALREADY IN A STALL, ANOTHER MAN ENTERS THE SECOND STALL. YOU CAN HEAR THE FIRST MAN GETTING AN INSANE AMOUNT OF TOILET PAPER FROM THE ROLL.
 
Dylan: Everything okay in there?
 
Jack: Yeah. (More toilet paper unrolling). Fuck.
 
Dylan: You sure?
 
Jack: (Thick Southern accent.) I- uh… I just got my period. Do you have a tampon on you?
 
Dylan: Oh, bro, I got you! (reaches into the pocket of his Carhartt overalls and pulls out a mini tampon and passes it under the stall divider.)
 
Jack: (exhales thankfully) Dude, you rock! Thank you!
 
Dylan: No worries, Bro. It happens.
 
Jack: Can I buy you a beer or some nachos?
 
Dylan: Yeah, let’s get some nachos! But, only after you wash your hands! You fuckin’ bleeder.

Jack: I really dig your boots.
 
Dylan: Yeah, thanks… (dialogue trails out as they leave the bathroom)
 
FADE TO BLACK
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    Jane Malone

    Oregon-based stand-up comedian.
    Mayor of Kickass

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