Roasting Jake Breslauer

​Jake is a difficult man to embarrass.
As is evidenced by his Instagram feed… And, again by his fiancee’s instagram feed.  
 
Is anyone else worried that he might be single-white-female-ing Amanda?
 
Breslauer has the voice for radio, and a face… also for radio, and the heart of a 19-year-old Instagram Girl.
 
If you look at Jake, one of the first things you’ll assume is that he’s often worked in a deli, because that information is just visually available.
 
Jake studied at a School of Bafoonery, making him a well-educated clown and seasoned performer; most commonly known as ‘hey, bartender.’
 
Jake used to work at a ‘pirate bar.’ That’s the whole burn.
 
Jake just began writing a blog. In 2019. So, I’m betting his ‘Zine is just about to hit stands.
 
I love how you play EVERY character on Portlandia.
 
Cleaned shit out of a sink at work.

He’s marrying Amanda Martin-Tully, and she can make tacos, and drink wine, and totally get some from literally every male comedian in Portland… and, so can Jake.
 
It must be rough to be the sidekick of such an amazing woman. And, I’m sure that’s why you’re always trying to fill her shoes. By wearing her shoes.

He’s Jewish.

He’s clearly been styled by the Brawny logo and the blue ox, Babe.
 
I secretly love Jake. In fact, when it finally does happen, I vow to find the witch that turned you into Papa Smurf, and change you back.

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