INT: Small sedan, night.
Thomas: That was really great. Meeting you, obviously, but, also the food. Ginny: I think I ate too much nonsense, ugh. It was almost TOO good. Thank you. Thomas: I’d definitely go back, the Carne was amazing. Ginny: Totally. I love Mexican food. Thomas: I liked watching you love Mexican food. Ginny: Yeah? Turning you on? Thomas: I’ve been thinking about it. Off and on. Ginny: Off and on? Thomas: Yeah… What kind of things turn you off and on? More on, though. Just on. Ginny: I’m into some crazy stuff. Thomas: Really? What kind of stuff? Ginny: I think I’d have to know you better. Thomas: I’ll go first. I’ll tell you one of my secret sex things, and you can tell me one of yours. Ginny: I don’t know. Thomas: No, I have something. So, I watch a lot of porn. Ginny: Don’t we all… Thomas: Really? We all do? Ginny: It’s 2019, admitting to liking porn is like admitting to liking pizza. Thomas: Fine, I can see that. Have you ever kissed a girl? Ginny: One time, in college. Tastes like chicken. Thomas: Tastes like chicken. I see. So, it wasn’t for you? Ginny: I always thought I was straight until I saw Ghostbusters 3 with Kate McKinnon licking her side piece. I’ve never wanted to be a gun so badly. I think I watched that GIF most of the summer. Thomas: They made a GIF of that? Ginny: I can make things. Thomas: So, you’ve never been with a woman? Ginny: No, but for that one, I’d sure try. Have you ever been with a man? Thomas: No, but I’ve seen gay porn. Ginny: I’ve never seen gay porn. Lesbain porn, yes. Did you find it compelling? Thomas: Yeah, I actually beat it to the movie. Ginny: Did you cum? Thomas: Of course I came. But, then I felt massively guilty about it. Ginny: Christian upbringing? Thomas: Maybe. What kind of porn do you watch? Ginny: I’m a bit more out there than you are. Thomas: How do you know? Ginny: I’m just a bit out there for everything… Thomas: Okay? Ginny: I like casting couch videos. Thomas: Really? With the douchey guy? Ginny: Yeah. Thomas: Why? Because of the way he directs her around and tells her what to do? Ginny: No, I like that there’s no job. Thomas: You like that? Ginny: Yeah, some of them are staged, absolutely, but some of them are just some girl trying to make a couple grand on her back. Thomas: Really? That’s what does it? The scam? Ginny: Yes. The loss of innocence. Thinking about it makes me cum. Thomas: Why? Ginny: Because I’m jealous of them. They possess something I’ll never have. A beautiful body, ripe and camera-ready for porn. And, then they walk into a room and do crazy, naked things on tape with a man they just met for the prospect of money. Thomas: And, you like that. Ginny: Not about myself, but that’s why it makes me cum. It’s the horror and beauty of a broken vase, a murdered duck. They’re killing something, I mean, it’s dead already, on tape. But, yeah. That’s what I jerk it to.
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Jane MaloneOregon-based stand-up comedian. Archives
February 2020
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