INTERIOR: STUDIO, DAY
CAMERA COMES INTO FOCUS ON A REGULAR LOOKING MALE CENTAUR WEARING A HEMP NECKLACE AND NOTHING ELSE.
BILL: You’ll tell me when it’s on?
CAMERA GUY: It’s on.
BILL: But, you’ll tell me when to start?
CAMERA GUY: I mean, you can start whenever you want. Do you want me to ask you questions?
BILL: No, I prepared something.
CAMERA GUY: Okay, whenever you’re ready.
BILL: (Nervously runs fingers through his hair, smiles nervously into the camera). Hello. I’m Bill. I’ve been in recovery for anorexia for three years now, and I just wanted to film this PSA to let anyone out there that might be struggling know that they’re not alone. Like, Lots of people have been where you are. You are not alone. I know how lonely it can feel sometimes, I was under 600 lbs, eating a quarter bale of hay a day, and running sixty miles. I mean, looked amazing, like an Aronofsky heroine, just a gorgeous neckline and huge eyes. But, if a guy like me can get caught up, then anyone can…
CAMERA GUY: Wait, aren’t you a centaur?
BILL: (Gestures to his very obviously nude, centaur body). Yeah, dude, I mean, you can SEE me, right?
CAMERA GUY: Yeah, but…
BILL: What else could I be?
CAMERA GUY: But, like… how many stomachs do you have?
BILL: Shut up, my dude. I’m trying to get through this.
CAMERA GUY: Are there a lot of centaurs that struggle with their body image?
BILL: I don’t know, but if I can help just ONE, that would be worth it.
CAMERA GUY: And, that is noble, but… you’re the only centaur I’ve ever seen.
BILL: (Exasperated) Is that a question?
CAMERA GUY: Have you ever seen another centaur?
BILL: No. But, that’s no reason not to be in peak condition when I do meet them! :::flexes totally average biceps:::
CAMERA GUY: Wait… What?!?
BILL: Yeah, it’s a lot of pressure. You’ve always got to be ready to save the species.
CAMERA GUY: I thought we were doing a piece on you being an actual centaur. I guess I’d never really thought about your body image.
BILL: Yeah, but, that’s a position of privilege, right there. I’m always worried when the time comes to save the species, I’ll be too heavy.
CAMERA GUY: Does a female centaur have a human pussy or a horse pussy?
BILL: :::scornfully::: You’re nasty.
CAMERA GUY: Does that mean you don’t know?
BILL: She has a horse pussy, dude. Duh.
CAMERA GUY: Duh? How do you know if you’ve never seen another centaur?
BILL: BECAUSE I HAVE A HORSE COCK, DUDE. :::Rubs temples::: Fuck. Whatever. I can’t do this now.
CAMERA GUY: I’m sorry. I’ll stop. I just got caught up in the moment.
CAMERA GUY: It’s not often you meet a virgin centaur.
BILL: FUCK YOU, DUDE. FUCK YOU. I’m trying to do something nice here.
CAMERA GUY: Yeah, I have no idea what you're doing. This is a dating service.