I'd have given my left arm to wake up next to you...
But, then we'd have spent the morning in terror trying to figure out what happened to my fucking arm.
I shaved my pubes in my 30's.
It itches so badly, I'm white-knuckling it not to scoot my taint across the floor
like a dog with worms.
I don't have very many deeply held philosophical tenants,
but I do know-in my soul-
that the hottest guy at the party will give you an STD.
I've been thinking about going celibate, but I just went to Ikea, and I have all these boxes in my
So, I know I'm going to be dating for at least another month.
People with real daddy issues do stand up; comedy is stripping for ugly people.