The List of Things I’m Too Old to Do:
Learn to have sex with multiple partners; attend an orgy.
Scandalize my family by blowing the president. (My comedy is scandal enough).
Cartwheel and 178 other physical activities, including have children (NOTHING will grow in here. I’ve had it razed to the ground in an aggressive military maneuver. Hostile coup style).
Party for longer than 24 consecutive hours. I just get tired.
Pretend to give a fuck about your superstitions/astrological sign/crop circle fetish.
Blow Republicans. If I accidentally fellatiate a Trump supporter, it’s over. I’m half-Mexican. They’ll kick me out of the club. We’re not allowed to fuck anyone backing Trump.
I mean, you can build a wall, but it begins outside my vagina. And, I’m taking Selma Hayek, Antonio Banderas, and Taco Tuesday with me. What are you guys going to do without Margaritas? You haven’t thought this out…
Much like me and my comedy...
I'm Jane Malone.