The first time I got high – wasn’t funny. It just felt like cool, sweet, lemonade was erupting out of every pore of my body. So, memorable, but not necessarily funny.
The second time, though…
My friend Tony and I were in our friend Jeff’s apartment, and we smoked this gorgeous blunt between the three of us. I was truly fucked up.
I was 19.
I’d never been this high.
I was trying to play it cool – but, it felt like my face was melting off, and I was floating away. I was concentrating so hard on not falling out of my chair. And, these guys were older, like 28, and hot.
Well, not really hot, but like NM hot.
Like, Tony was missing teeth. No joke.
He was missing teeth, and STILL considered hot in NM circa 2000.
Do you guys remember double-ought? Ah, what a year… The Bloodhound Gang was in full bloom… It was a magical time.
And, 19 – year-old Jane Malone was getting stoned for the second time.
I’m fully blazed sitting there, but I’m trying to be cool.
So, I nonchalantly light a cigarette, and I’m trying to hold onto the table for stability. But, in a not-too-obvious kind of way. I’m just barely hanging on when Jeff turns to me and says, “You’re on fire.”
I grin, because his words had no meaning. They were just sounds. I was that high.
“You’re on fire.” He said, again.
I don’t know why he wasn’t yelling, or more excited about it. He was just kinda’ saying it. I looked down, and the carpet under my chair was on fire. It’s obviously smoking, and has been for quite a moment, without my THC riddled grey matter registering any threat at all.
So, instead of putting out the fire, we laughed at the fire for like three minutes. I almost pissed myself.
I had lit that cigarette twice without realizing it. The first one fell to the carpet, and so I lit another. But, I was high. So, I don’t remember anything.
Jeff did not get his damage deposit back.
I'm Jane Malone.