18-year-old virgin boys need to stop contacting me online. I am never going to take your virginity. No one wants that. Eeew. I don’t remember a whole lot about my past, but I do remember that debacle. I thank God every day that I’m not at the age where we lose our virginity.
This is crazy pants. I don’t know if I look like a bored housewife, that still has some edge, or if I just look approachable. Or, maybe they just think I’m so flipping low that I wouldn’t have another option, but, somehow this is a big market for me. And, it sucks.
I can see how an 18-year-old virgin girl would be appealing to men, but 18-year-old boys don’t have that same allure. It doesn’t sound like fun at all. It sounds like work. I don’t even like training people at work, when they pay me to. I never tutored in high school. And, they don’t have any helpful videos for this kind of thing. There’s no, “It’s My Clitoris, Charlie Brown!” I’m just not in.
It’s a biological thing, too. Chemically, you smell like piss. I understand why you douche with axe body spray, but honestly- if you’d just shower regularly and wear clean clothes- that should fix it. If you still feel like you need axe, consult a doctor. Axe is fucking chloroform. Stop trying to date rape people. It’s fucking tacky.
So, I like to turn them down by asking what their dad is up to. He’s usually in my age range, and they know I think they’re cute. I’d make an awesome fucking step-mom to a grown kid, I just have an unflinchingly rigid age requirement for bumping uglies.
Besides, if I let them come over, they eat my kid’s toaster strudels.
I'm Jane Malone.