I think I’m from the wrong era. I’m just really socially awkward, and I always have been.
My ideas about courting come largely from books and terrible movies. So, when I’m interested in a guy, I act in odd and unpredictable ways.
I like this guy, and we’re friends on Facebook. He’s not interested in me, but I always think I’m going to win people over with my hard work and dedication. So, whatever…
I see him post that he’s looking for a dog, for his kids, and I was like, “Oh, that’s so fucking sweet…” Now, I’m new, and I have no access to a dog, but I am an art major…
I think we can all see where I’m going with this.
Yeah, I googled ‘cartoon dogs.’ I used that for the basic construction, and I drew him this kinda’ punk-rock, scruffy looking dog that I thought complimented his personality.
I inked it.
I mounted it on cardboard.
I made a little kick stand flap.
I’m 35. I don’t know if I mentioned that.
I made him a paper doll dog.
I paper doll dog bombed a 40 year old man.
He was VERY kind about it, because he’s awesome, but you can tell I freaked him right out. Like ‘hopeless romantic’ is a nice idea, but ‘fucking idiot’ is a lot more accurate a phrase.
And, now, of course, he thinks I’m fucking crazy…
So, to ice that cake, I wrote this song:
It’s only a paper dog,
I’m probably not stalking you, but…
It would be really cool, if I could see you nude…
I'm Jane Malone.