I’ve got an idea for online dating forums. I think we should install a ‘full disclosure’ feature. You have to put in 50 characters that really tell the entire truth. And, it’s gotta’ be backed up by Snopes. You should have to disclose things like:
If you’re a sex-offender.
Don’t let me get two tacos into the date before you reveal that ‘she looked 18, I swear.’ I’m not interested in eating Mexican food with a rapist. I’m sorry. I’m a judgmental prick that way.
If you have an STD.
If you have an STD and you’re on Tinder, you are an asshole, and I wish nothing for your future save anal fissures and a tightening of the urethra.
If you’re coming directly from a funeral.
Maybe don’t make a date for that evening. I shouldn’t have to say that…
If you weren’t attracted to me, but you thought I looked ‘easy.’
What the fuck does that even mean? Who wants to have sex with someone that they’re not attracted to? That makes NO sense. I think you’re repugnant, but I’ll stick my dick in anything, so…
So, my ‘full disclosure’ would look something like this:
FD: I will stop texting you after 3 dates, so you know we’re not in a relationship. Also, I will totally smoke your pot.
I'm Jane Malone.